2 Months

>

My Little Jacob,

Happy two months old little boy! Can you believe we made it through another month?! Time has just flown by and it seems like I was just writing about you turning one month old. Heck – it seems like we were just bringing you home from the hospital in your little blue outfit (which now is way, way too small for you).

It has been a busy month for you!

Here’s what you’ve been up to:
  • At your last appointment 5 days ago you weighed 11 pounds and 15 ounces. You have almost doubled your birth weight in 8 weeks. You are growing like a weed.
  • You’re still wearing 0-3 month clothes, but soon we are going to have to start pulling some of the 3-6 month things from your closet.
  • You wear size one diapers and we occasionally have poo-splosions, so I may try out a size one-two or two on you soon. 
  • You’ve gotten so good at holding up your own head! I hardly ever have to help you, unless we are up and moving around. When you’re laying in your boppy you move your head side to side with no problem and when you’re leaning against my legs you try to pick up your head and lean forward.
  • You love to be sitting up and looking around. Unless you are sleeping (or playing with Octo) you hate being flat on your back. We got you a bumbo chair and you enjoy it but only for short bits of time. You’d much rather be in my arms.
  • You really don’t like your tummy much either. You grunt all through tummy time. You aren’t doing a mini push-up yet but you’re really trying!
  • Your favorite toy is Octo (a two-legged octopus on your baby gym). You will spend hours each day looking at him and swatting at the rattles attached to him. He goes pretty much every where with us and he always makes you smile.
  • Your favorite part of the day is in the morning when we turn on Disney music and we sing and dance to it. You love smiling at me and you don’t seem to mind my horrible voice!
  • For the most part we have cut one feeding out at night. You go to bed around 9 and you don’t wake up again until somewhere between 1:30 and 3. Last night you slept for a solid 6 hours. YAY!
  • You’ve become a much more efficient eater. You haven’t been choking nearly as much and that makes me really happy! My letdown doesn’t seem to bother you quite as much anymore. You are still easily distracted while you eat though.
  • I think you’re starting to feel some discomfort from your teeth already. I can feel and see one of your teeth on the top. You’ve been drooling a ton and trying to suck on my fingers or your pacifier all the time. You’ve recently found your hands, but you don’t always remember that you have them!
  • You went on your first shopping trip with me and you were not so thrilled about it, at least when I needed to try on clothes. 
  • I tried out the Moby Wrap yesterday and you love it as long as we aren’t sitting down! It’s really going to make grocery shopping and errands much easier!
  • You are smiling more and more every day. You’re also starting to babble and talk to me! Sometimes you will ramble for 5 minutes about your day! You don’t want to do it on camera though!
It amazes me every day how much you have grown and changed in such a short amount of time! You are becoming a little boy now and your personality reveals itself a little bit more every day. I feel like I’m chipping away your shell to discover who you are on the inside. Every little piece is a whole new adventure! Only a little bit longer until Daddy is home with us and we can all cuddle on the couch together. Daddy and I are so excited to continue to watch you grow. We love you so much little boy!!
Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Day 27 {Your Favorite Place}

>My favorite place in the world is the beach house that has been in my Mom’s family for years. It belonged to my great grandmother and grandfather and then was passed to my Nana and Papa (my Mom’s parents) and then to my Auntie Laura, when they passed away. It’s always kind of been like a second home to me. I can’t wait to show Mr. P and Jacob where I spent my summers and all of the places that my cousins and I used to wander during the summers.

Third House from the Left

I spent time almost every single summer of my life at the beach house. I always slept in the pink room (and my Mom and Dad in the blue room). I really enjoyed the tire swing out front until I was too big for it. We’d take part in the Wenaumet Bluffs Field Day (that had been going on since the 60’s or so, I think). The best part was the girls vs. boys watermelon race at the end of the day. They would line the girls up on one raft at the end of the dock and the boys on the other and then throw a greased watermelon into the center. Everyone would jump in and we’d all scramble and fight to get it back to shore and win!

My cousin, Billy, and I used to go out at low tide and dig around for clams for dinner. We used to get spit on by them all the time, even in the eye once. We’d go out to the rafts and spend the days swimming and going down the slide. We had our fair share of jellyfish fights and our fair share of stings from the red and blue ones, too.

I always spent the mornings walking up and down the beach exploring and gathering seashells and sea glass. I always came home with a huge collection of random shells.

At the end of the day we would sit down to dinner with Nana and Papa and after dinner Papa and I would sit out on the porch in the rocking chairs and watch the sun go down over the water. We’d enjoy our frozen snickers bars and talk about all sorts of random things. Most of the time he would tell me his stories.

I truly cherish all of those memories. I haven’t been to the beach house since my grandfather passed away there over 3 years ago. It’s going to be weird to go back there and see how much it’s changed and how different it is without Nana and Papa around.

But at the same time I am oh-so-excited to visit the place that is home to so many of my favorite memories from childhood. There really is no place like the beach house.

Day 26 {Your Fears}

>

Every time someone asks me about my greatest fear I always get a stunned, crazy look in disbelief when I respond. Everything thinks I’m insane and that’s it’s a completely crazy fear, but its always been in the back of my mind, since my very first psychology class in college. It’s kind of twisted and weird, but it’s completely true.
I am scared that my child is going to be a sociopath or a psychopath. I’m afraid to find out that my child is a serial killer. Sitting through all of those psychology classes made me wonder how horrible it must have been for the parents of all of those serial killers. It must be awful to realize that the child you gave birth to, cuddled, nursed and raised could do something like that. I cannot even imagine what that would feel like. Why wouldn’t you be afraid that something like that could happen to your baby – that they could just snap and go crazy one day? 
Am I the only one who thinks about things like this? Is it just something that goes on in my weird, twisted little mind? Mr. P thinks I’m crazy (but we already knew that…) and that it’s kind of an irrational fear (and to some extents I agree).
But today I realized that this fear is a whole lot deeper than I ever knew. 
Jacob and I had already had a rough and emotional day. I was ready for it to be over. I grabbed Jacob and headed outside to check the mail. Well along the way I lost my footing and started to fall. I have never been so scared in my life. I ended up falling on my knees to keep myself from tumbling to the ground and dropping Jacob on the concrete. He was completely fine and didn’t get hurt, but he was scared to death. He just screamed for a few minutes because he was so scared. I cried, he cried. We just cried together. It was awful. All of the what ifs just kept running through my mind. What if I hadn’t reacted so quickly and what if I hadn’t held on to him so tightly? All I could see what his little tiny body falling to the concrete and even the thought of it just made me sad. 
I think it was then that I realized the thing that scares me the most is hurting him. Whether it be physically, emotionally or mentally. I am a firm believer that ones environment affects them more than their genetics. I don’t want to do something to cause him difficulty in his life (now or later in life). And I know that I would do absolutely anything to protect him from any pain or hurt in his life (hence the huge “love bump” on my knee from falling). 
And I suppose that’s the root of my initial fear. I fear causing him any pain in his life and I fear hurting him. And that’s a pretty normal fear as far as I’m concerned. Who would ever want to hurt their child? They are the most amazing and wonderful gift you can ever receive. 
 

Oh – and I never did check the mail.

Mastering Mommyhood Monday

>

This post isn’t my typical, humorous post. I actually had a rough week. The week before I’d been so busy and on the go and I felt so amazing. I was mastering getting Jacob out of the house and shopping with him. I’d found my super-mom cape. I was meeting new friends and having coffee and truly enjoying myself. 
Monday morning I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed I guess. I didn’t want to get out of bed (so Jacob and I snuggled until around 11!!!) and I didn’t want to take a shower or go anywhere. So I didn’t. I put off my errands that needed to be done and continued to put them off. All I wanted to do was snuggle up on the couch. And I didn’t go anywhere until Wednesday. I practically had to drag myself out of the house on Wednesday.
It was Wednesday night that I realized everything must have finally caught up with me. I hadn’t had a good meal for a few days. I wasn’t really even eating. I was hardly sleeping. I was only sleeping 2-3 hours a night, even though Jacob was sleeping up to 6 hours at a time. I just couldn’t sleep. I was anxious and had way too much on my mind. In all honesty I’m pretty sure I was dealing with the baby blues that never hit me after he was born. Well it hit me smack in the face and I was not at all prepared for it. I thought I’d already moved past that stage and it really caught me by surprise. 
As soon as I realized what was going on I made myself get up though. I could not handle dealing with PPD while Mr. P is away. I just couldn’t do it. And I’m really glad I did get up and get moving again.
Tips on Mastering Mommyhood:
  • Be prepared for insane mood swings. I’m talking – within minutes. One minute you’ll be perfectly happy and the next you’ll be irritated beyond all belief.
  • Be prepared to be sad at some point or another. Be ready to not want to get up and shower and do anything but lay in bed and cuddle with the little one.
  • Be prepared to cry when things don’t go as planned. 
  • Be prepared to deal with some form of the “baby blues”, even if it’s more than a few weeks after the little one is born.
And when all of this happens and hits you smack dab in the forehead – 
  • Cry for a minute, then, wipe away the tears and get up.
  • Take a shower and put on real clothes (that don’t have baby puke stains on them). Do you hair and throw on some make-up.
  • Get the baby dressed.
  • Get out of the house – even if it’s just a walk to the mailbox.
  • Do something. Anything. 
  • Most importantly – connect with other Moms (even through the internet) and build friendships! You won’t regret it, I promise.

Day 25 {A First}

>Church just wasn’t something that we did when I was younger. My Mom allowed me to make my own decisions about it and when I asked about church, she took me, but we didn’t go every weekend.

I definitely don’t want to shove religion down Jacob’s throat, but I want him to grow up feeling comfortable in a church. It took me a long time to get used to it and not feel anxious about walking into a church. When he is old enough to understand the significance of going to church, then I will allow him to make his own choices (and if he choses not to go, then so be it). But I sincerely hope that he will enjoy going and that he is able to build his own relationship with God. It’s something that is important to me and I hope that he can see that and has the same desire to learn about God and grow with God that I have had in the past 5 years.

Yesterday, Jacob went to church with me for the very first time!! We got up early and hung out. We listened to our Disney songs and danced and sang a little bit. He got all dressed up in his overalls and polo shirt (that matches one of Mr. P’s). I got ready and we headed out!

The church that I go to is huge. The services are almost always packed and they’re always great. I love the music and I was excited to see what Jacob thought, since he loves when I sing to him and when we dance at home. We arrived 30 minutes early (because they changed the second service from 11 to 11:15), so we just hung out in the chapel. Jacob actually slept.

As soon as the service started he woke up. I think the music was just a little too loud for him. He looked kind of scared. So we went back to the baby room in the corner and enjoyed the service from there. It was empty, except for us, the entire time. I danced with Jacob and I sung all of the songs to him. He really enjoyed that! He did get a little bit fussy when he ate and for a while after that, but it was nothing major.

On another note… To explain his fussiness lately….

I think my kid is teething already. Seriously. I know he’s only 2 months old and it’s extremely early, but he’s certainly acting like it! He would much rather chew on the pacifier (which up until now he hasn’t been interested in) or my finger. He tries to chew while he’s eating (um, ow). He’s drooling like a crazy baby and he’s just unusually fussy. Plus the fact that he’s sleeping way more than normal. He slept in his car seat for over 3 hours after church. Yes, I left him in the car seat. He was completely passed out and I was not about to wake him up and deal with a screaming little boy all afternoon.

Plus – he slept through the disastrous Broncos game. It was not a happy football day in our house. The Bronco’s are sucked it up big time.

Day 24 {Something that makes you cry}

>

***I hate that I feel the need to do this, but be aware – this post talks about one of the most natural things in the world, breastfeeding, and may even have a picture (GASP!!!). This is, after all, a mommy blog and mommyhood is all about over-sharing. If you’re not comfortable with it, then don’t read this one!!!***

I am not a crier. I never have been. It actually takes a LOT of emotion to bubble over to make me cry. I only cried the moment I dropped Mr. P off and maybe one other time during the first half of the deployment. I cried when I heard Jacob’s little cries (because they were the most beautiful sound ever). I cried when I took Mr. P back to the airport after R&R, but I was fine by the time I got home. Since Mr. P left for the second half of the deployment I’ve only cried once.

About a week and a half ago I realized that my milk supply was very uneven. The left side was producing about a third of what the right side was producing. I was shocked and worried. Jacob had been eating pretty well off of both sides and I hadn’t felt engorged since a few weeks after he was born. We had been having issues with an overactive letdown but it seemed to be calming down a little bit and correcting itself.

After I realized that I was lopsided I started taking steps to correct it. I made sure that Jacob was eating more of his meals on the left side than on the right. I looked for Mother’s Milk Tea (and actually just found it today). I took a bit of fenugreek (but the maple syrup was too much for me) and I added in extra pumping sessions. After a few days nothing seemed to be helping.

I sat on the couch one morning during a feeding session with a struggling, screaming baby and sobbed. Jacob was hungry and wasn’t getting enough from me to fill his tummy. He cried his first real tear. I will never forget how my heart felt when it dripped down his cheek and onto my arm. One little tear. Because he was hungry and I couldn’t feed him. My heart wept. Not only for Jacob but for me as well. We cried together that day, for the same reason.

I was just not ready to give up breastfeeding yet. I wasn’t ready to be done with it. I wasn’t ready to lose the closeness and our peaceful time together. We had been through too much in the beginning for it to be over.

My supply did increase and we are back to our regular breastfeeding schedule and I couldn’t be more thankful. Jacob will almost always calm down as soon as I pull him close. He now likes to lean back after eating and smile and coo at me. These are my favorite moments with him. His tummy is full and we are both happy and enjoying each others company.

I never expected to enjoy breastfeeding as much as I have. I love cuddling him close and getting to look into his little eyes while he eats. I love when he falls asleep and looks so happy and content. I love the fact that he is growing so much because of me. He was born at 6 pounds 12 ounces and at 8 weeks he was 11 pounds 15 ounces. All because of my milk. I have truly been blessed to be able to breastfeed my son and I’m so thankful for every moment we get to spend together because of it.

Day 23 {Something that makes you feel better}

>So there are a LOT of things in this world that makes me feel better, so we’re going to change this day to “Things that make you feel better”.

I feel better:

… after getting a cut and color. Something about being pampered and taking a few hours to make myself feel pretty again always makes me feel better!

… when I have a good glass of wine (but you already knew that didn’t, you?), preferably Pinot Grigio or Malbec (my new favorite), in hand.

… when I find a good movie on TV (like Love Actually, right now…).

… after watching Disney movies when I’m sick.

… when singing Disney songs to my Jacob and all he can do is smile at me (with his goofy smile). He totally looks like a pirate with one eye half closed in this picture. ARRRR. Ha I crack myself up.

… when Microsoft Messenger notifies me that Mr. P is online and when the phone rings and it’s him.

… with a cup of tea brewing and ready for me.

… after a nice long shower or bath.

… when I get a package in the mail (we have 6 coming in one week!!).

… when I wake up and realize that Jacob has slept more than 3 hours in a row…. and he’s still in his burrito. And yes that is a stolen hospital blanket… they are the best.

… when the Broncos win.

… after an amazing service at church. I love being able to go, sing and worship and walk away feeling closer to God.

… when I find a goofy picture that I completely forgot about. Especially if it’s of Mr. P. It always makes me feel better. And I might get hell for making this picture public… Hehe. Even though it was his goofy side that I fell in love with.

… after a good long drive where I’ve had a chance to think. I work out all of my major issues when I’m driving. Sometimes I’ll drive just to think.

… when I think about getting to kiss my husband again.