I am not a crier. I never have been. It actually takes a LOT of emotion to bubble over to make me cry. I only cried the moment I dropped Mr. P off and maybe one other time during the first half of the deployment. I cried when I heard Jacob’s little cries (because they were the most beautiful sound ever). I cried when I took Mr. P back to the airport after R&R, but I was fine by the time I got home. Since Mr. P left for the second half of the deployment I’ve only cried once.
About a week and a half ago I realized that my milk supply was very uneven. The left side was producing about a third of what the right side was producing. I was shocked and worried. Jacob had been eating pretty well off of both sides and I hadn’t felt engorged since a few weeks after he was born. We had been having issues with an overactive letdown but it seemed to be calming down a little bit and correcting itself.
After I realized that I was lopsided I started taking steps to correct it. I made sure that Jacob was eating more of his meals on the left side than on the right. I looked for Mother’s Milk Tea (and actually just found it today). I took a bit of fenugreek (but the maple syrup was too much for me) and I added in extra pumping sessions. After a few days nothing seemed to be helping.
I sat on the couch one morning during a feeding session with a struggling, screaming baby and sobbed. Jacob was hungry and wasn’t getting enough from me to fill his tummy. He cried his first real tear. I will never forget how my heart felt when it dripped down his cheek and onto my arm. One little tear. Because he was hungry and I couldn’t feed him. My heart wept. Not only for Jacob but for me as well. We cried together that day, for the same reason.
I was just not ready to give up breastfeeding yet. I wasn’t ready to be done with it. I wasn’t ready to lose the closeness and our peaceful time together. We had been through too much in the beginning for it to be over.
My supply did increase and we are back to our regular breastfeeding schedule and I couldn’t be more thankful. Jacob will almost always calm down as soon as I pull him close. He now likes to lean back after eating and smile and coo at me. These are my favorite moments with him. His tummy is full and we are both happy and enjoying each others company.
I never expected to enjoy breastfeeding as much as I have. I love cuddling him close and getting to look into his little eyes while he eats. I love when he falls asleep and looks so happy and content. I love the fact that he is growing so much because of me. He was born at 6 pounds 12 ounces and at 8 weeks he was 11 pounds 15 ounces. All because of my milk. I have truly been blessed to be able to breastfeed my son and I’m so thankful for every moment we get to spend together because of it.